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Questions that might make your divorce more amicable

Among the variety of topics we explore in our Butler County Divorce Law blog are the ways in which people can make their split less hostile. If a divorce is less hostile, it is likely to take less time and cost you less money.

The New York Times recently asked experts to suggest questions that might help those who are thinking of divorce. The questions are designed to help "make a split more amicable" or possibly even save a marriage.

The first question suggested is one that might, at first blush, seem to answer itself: "Have you made clear your concerns about the relationship?"

Many people might think that yes, of course, they've made their concerns clear. After all, they've stated their views and opinions over and over in arguments. But consider this, says a marriage therapist and author: "Research shows that people hear only between 30 to 35 percent of what is said to them." She says people are often so eager to unload their thoughts that they aren't interested in whether or not the other person is hearing what they have to say.

Try to put your concerns into terms the other person will understand, she says, not just in terms that sound best to you.

Among the other questions: "Do you still love him or her?"

Sometimes, though the answer is yes, divorce is still the right path for that person.

“Some of the anger we see in divorce comes from the fact that we do still feel love for this person, and can feel hurt, unloved in return, or unvalued.”

Another question: "Are you letting the prospect of divorce ruin your self-image?" For some people, the thought of being divorced makes them feel like failures.

An alternative to dwelling on the end of a relationship is to focus on the things you did right, how you gave it your all and how you are now exploring options to make life better.

With the help of an experienced attorney, you can navigate family law disputes and come out whole on the other side.

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