There’s little doubt that when parents divorce, their children are inevitably going to have some difficult times dealing with it. Some parents want to apologize to their kids for putting them through the divorce — a process that might include arguments in front of the children, name calling, insults and putdowns, extended periods of silence between the parents and so on.
A divorce lawyer writes for the Huffington Post “if you want to apologize, fine.” But she cautions parents not to “over-apologize,” repeatedly bringing up past mistakes. She says the reality for the children is that you’re bringing up past pain for them, preventing them from healing and moving on.
The lawyer’s advice might well prove useful to some of our Cincinnati readers, so we’ve included a brief overview of what she wrote.
Don’t apologize to make yourself feel better. The apology is for your children, not to ease your conscience. The point is to let your kids know that you know you messed up, that it hurt for them to be a part of it and that you are sorry. The Texas attorney notes that your kids are entitled to react as they see fit, which might or might not include hugs.
Just as the apology isn’t about you, it’s also not about your former husband or former wife. Don’t make an “apology” in order to work in a shot at your ex. The attorney says if you’re not able to make apologize without take shots — explicit or veiled — at your ex, you’re not ready to say you’re sorry in a way that will be meaningful for your children.
Last but not least, don’t give your kids the insider’s scoop, she writes. “The last thing your kids need is more gritty information about the divorce.”
Your children will be counting on you for strength and support during the divorce and afterwards, too. An experienced family law attorney can help you do what’s right for them in child custody matters.
At the Butler County Law Office of Kristen L. Campbell, LLC, we help you protect your children’s best interests in custody disputes and all other matters related to your divorce. Please see our webpage titled Child Custody Attorney Based in Hamilton, Ohio. It has more information about how our firm can serve you and your family.